When we left Primary Childrens last Friday we knew that Jessica's hematocrit was only 25.7 so a transfusion was in her near future. With transfusions, the more you have the more likely you are to begin having reactions to them. We like to spread them out as much as possible, but her count this morning was only 20.2 so they wanted her to have a transfusion. Her platelets have dropped to 56, so we may need those, but hopefully they won't get to transfusion point. The neulasta shot given has boosted her white blood cells and ANC up at 7.8 and 7.6 which is the higher end of normal, so that is great. We are hoping to not bottom out! We will keep our fingers crossed. We are here for the transfusion now. It has been a special trip because Annalise and Alyson are able to be here with us. We left the 2 brothers with Dad and the 3 girls have been enjoying being together. The children under 14 visiting rules were lifted just a few weeks ago. Not being able to be with Jessica in her rooms has been hard, especially for Annalise. This is just what they needed. They have played candy land, put Mr. potato Heads together, visited the playroom that I didn't realize they had here at DRMC, and they are now watching a movie together. We love it here at DRMC. They are so good to us!
Jessica has been such a great example of strength through this whole experience. She is constantly amazing us with the things she is able to do! And her brothers and sisters and parents too, have grown so much. But, like us all, there are times that make us stop and think. Last week, while we were up in S.L.C. still at Aunt Amelia's house right before heading to the hospital, Jessica was eating a bowl of cereal and out of the blue she said, "Mom, I wish I didn't have cancer. How did I get that tumor, that rock?". I had a hard time holding back the tears. I explained the best I could and she moved on happily. I am actually glad, in a way, that she expressed how she was feeling. She had never said anything like that before, but tonight she made another comment as I was putting her feeding tube in. She was upset because she didn't want to take medicine by mouth, but she didn't really want the feeding tube either. She said, "I wish I wasn't sick." Boy do I ever wish the same thing and to hear her say that. I just love my little girl. No parent would want their child to have to go through these difficult things, but I know there is a plan, a perfect plan. Our loving Heavenly Father knows that we need challenges to grow and become better. With the loss of a good family friend and the amazing strength shown by his family, I have once again thought hard about what is most important. I fall short each day, but I hope I can slowly but surely learn to treasure each day and truly enjoy the journey. I hope I can show my love always, even when that seems hard to do. We never know what will come. Life is so short. Too short to not make the most of everyday!
So grateful for all that I have! And so grateful for all of you and your many examples of strength, unconditional love, hope, and faith!